Rainbow child

Currently:

• Feeling: good
• Listening to: Billy Idol - Dancing with myself
• Reading: Lighioane si supralighioane - Saki si Cartea de capatai a hedonismului - Michael Flocker

Every time I go to my aunt’s all these crazy thoughts come rushing through my mind. But today it was different. Today I felt different. I kind of have a lot on my mind lately. Yes, I know, my existential problems aren’t such a fuss, but they’re mine and this is what makes them the biggest and the most important in this world. Like I was saying, I’ve kind of been under the weather lately and that’s simply not me. And what worries me, is that I have no idea why I have felt that way. There were so many things that annoyed me, so many activities that I didn’t want to do [going to classes - top place], so many people I didn’t want to talk to [sorry mum ]. Definitely not me.

But today, as I was going to my aunt’s, I felt so relieved, so easy, so happy inside. It was nippy outside and I kept hiding my nose in my green scarf and stuffing my hands in my pockets. But I was smiling. And I kept hearing Dancing with myself in my head: Oh, oh, oh dancing with myself /Oh, oh, oh dancing with myself /Well there’s nothing to lose /And there’s nothing to prove /And I’m dancing with myself /Oh, oh, oh, oh. Yeah, I know, so gay! :)) And as I was humming along I forgot all about my so-called problems. So what if I have to finish translating that Budapest guide? It can wait! So what if I have lots to study for my exams? I still have time! So what if I broke up with Cata, for good this time? I’ll meet another guy! So what if I still don’t have anyone to wander around Bucharest with? I can do this by myself, thank you! So what if I feed only on oranges, chocolate and biscuits? I haven’t heard of anyone dying cause of this!

Damn, was I happy! I kept looking at people and wondering how diverse we are, how different and special each and every one of us is. In days like this I love all mankind. And on the way home I bought 2 oranges and ate them while walking. I loved how they smelled in the cold December air. I peeled them and put the peels in my pocket then ate them piece by piece. And they were so sweet and smelled so lovely! Some people looked strange at me, but I couldn’t even care less. It was my own special moment and I savoured it till the last bite If you want to make my day, give me an orange :)) You can buy me with an orange/ I’m so cheap :))

I don’t look forward to the holiday. I have to go home and meet all my relatives and spend Christmas at my grandma’s [no matter that she's not here anymore, the family tradition still remains; happy happy joy joy] then I have to study, study, study! It’s going to be strange to be in Baia Mare again and to see all my former friends and not talk to them. No, I haven’t changed my mind: I’m never-ever going to forgive them! But on the other side, I’ll eat food, real food, cooked food, I’ll meet some of my ex-classmates and I’m gonna do some real shopping.

And about the New Year’s Party… bleah! I’m sure I won’t go to Cluj. Firstly, I wasn’t invited and secondly, there would be too many days wasted. I can’t afford to lose 3 days for a party. Nope. Guess I’ll just stay home with a good book, many cups of tea, oranges and sweets. That sounds just fine with me.

In the end, I still have some questions left. At the end of a one-year relationship, when you say you truly love the other how can you so easily accept the break-up? How can you let go without a good fight? How can you say “fine” and then keep complaining and feel sorry for yourself? How can you accept to come home and not meet the other? How can you accept it without demanding face to face explanations? Cata will never cease to amaze me.