Rainbow child

Currently:

• Feeling: sick
• Listening to: Beth Gibbons & Rustin Man
• Reading: Privind in soare - J. Barnes

What does a sick person do? Complain! And yes, I am sick, and yes, I will complain. I’m currently sitting in bed with my laptop in my lap, my nose running [like hell, I may add] and with a pile of used tissues all over the place and a Coldrex to keep me company. I kind of make a fuss when I’m feeling bad and I really don’t know why. It’s not like I need sympathy or something. Maybe I think that if I complain it will go away. Wrong!!! So, every muscle hurts, my head hurts, my throat is sore and I’m in a bad mood. This is about all about my current state. Oh, and cause of this, I didn’t go out with Jen although it was something planned. I don’t like myself when I have to tell someone I can’t make it. But she understood and we’ll meet another day.

Now let me update you with events which have taken place in my quiet common life. This weekend a book fair took place. In fact, it was the biggest book fair in Romania. And guess what? My aunt let me help her! This means that Saturday and Sunday I stood at my aunt’s stall and sold whatever her publishing house makes. And it was awesome! I simply loved being part of that fair! And working with customers was awesome! Of course there were some people so very annoying or plain stupid, but that’s not important. I am proud of myself and I think I did a very good job at this fair. Yeah, Customer Care is something I’d be very good at. Now I can hardly wait for the spring book fair to take place! Oh yes, it’s going to be so much fun!!!

Mike spent the night here. He had come to Bucharest because he had an interview for a scholarship offered by the Government and knowing how great a person he is, I’m almost sure he’ll receive it. But now he has to stay for a few more days here to take an English exam because he needs it for his applications at USA universities. Mike is such a smart boy! I’m positive he’ll be accepted at Harvard because he has BIG scores at his SATs and because he simply is incredibly smart! I am so proud to have him as a friend. And what a friend he is! He’s a friend for life. I know, I feel, I’m sure that no matter how great a distance is between us, how rarely we see each other, our friendship will never fade away. We’ve been friends for almost 7 years now and in the past 4 years we haven’t really seen each other, but I can say - hand on heart - that he is one of my best friends and that he will remain that way for me. He’s the brother I have never had.

It was so good spending this night with him. We talked about so many things and although I felt like hell, I laughed and laughed and laughed. We went to bed at about 4 and a half in the morning. What a night!

I know I’ve been neglecting school work recently, but I can’t find a good motivation to get down to work. I have books to read and learn, I have to study at German, I have to make essays, but neah, no motivation, no real desire to do that. I can only guess how panicked I will be in January when I’ll have to study my butt of for so many exams. But I kind of like stressful situations like this. I’m one masochistic person!

That’s about all for today. I’m sooo sleepy. Time for a nap! Hopefully this flu will have miraculous disappeared by the time I wake up

Top 3 most surprising moments offered by Cata:

• This summer he went to a concert in Sibiu and said he was going to stay at his flat mate, Ralph. One day before his departure, he asked with a very casual tone: “Ah, I have no idea what present to buy for Oana. She’s so nice she’s letting me stay at her place.” Excuse me?! Since when has Ralph turned into Oana? And who the heck is she?!
• I had lent him some books and before he left for Italy he bought me the books back. And besides them, the book I had given him as I birthday present. And when I looked and at books and saw the book and told him it wasn’t mine, but his, he just said: “Oh…” Maybe you didn’t like the book, but at least you could have told me that, not bring it back to me! Jerk!
• One day we were in the park and he suddenly remembered he had to be somewhere at a certain hour. And he said I could come with him. I didn’t know where we were going or why. We arrived at his mum’s working place. I met the boss and they started talking. About the Internet site Cata was programming for them. And when Cata took out his laptop and started showing the man the progress he had made, the nice man said to him: “Put your laptop so as your girlfriend can also see what you’ve been working on. In fact, I bet she has already seen it, right?” Wrong!!! He didn’t even tell me he was working on such a thing, not to mention show it to me.

And I’m still with this guy? I must be crazy! Really crazy!

The strange part is that the 2 rows had an equal number of books, but I can’t remember which one I picked up first and in which good or bad book our relationship continued.

I love her!!!!!! I just love her! I don’t need anyone else as long as she’s mine! I loooooveeeee heeeeeer!!!! She’s the best friend anyone can ever have. And she’s mine! All mine! I LOVE YOU, MY MARIA!!!!!!

In sfrasit… lansarea uRMa pe care o astept inca din vara. Chiar daca nu va fi un concert propriu-zis, tot e bine… doar e uRMa, nu?

Nu va dati seama ce bucuroasa am fost dimineata cand mi-am verificat mailurile si am vazut ca sambata e lansarea. Nu mai imi pasa nici de partial, nici de targul de carte [ah, ar trebui sa-mi fie rusine!], nu imi pasa de nimic! Am un zambet imens pe fata, pap ciocolata cu portocale si ma pregatesc pentru o noapte uRMa. Astept sa scap de partial, sa-mi cumpar multe carti de la targ, sa o ajut pe matusa la stand si apoi sa ma bucur de evenimentul anului. Sunt o Tra-uRMa-tizata fara cale de intoarcere!

It’s just one of those days…

…in which even if I had washed myself, I still feel dirty…

…in which my hair refuses to cooperate…

…in which no matter what piece of clothing I put on, I still look like hell…

…in which not even chocolate tastes good…

…in which nothing can make me giggle, not even that cute German guy who did his shopping at the same supermarket near my home and who gave me a big bright smile…

…in which I can’t stand anyone around me…

…in which I hate myself, but I don’t know why…

…in which not even the news that I can buy books from my favourite Romanian publishing house [Humanitas] at half price, can’t make me happy…

…it’s just one of those days…

Uitati-va, oameni buni, la ce m-a facut Domnul Auras sa ma gandesc! Pfff… gata cu ganditul pe viitor. Nu e deloc productiv si nici realist

Currently:

• Feeling: confused

• Listening to: Holden - Sur le pavé

• Thinking about: small, but annoying things

I just had one of those so very annoying conversations with Mum. We started from talking about the Gaudeamus Book Fair to my exams this week and ended talking about the PR University.

Mum: Well, from January you’re going to take grammar lessons.

Me [very puzzled]: What for?!

Mum: For the exam at the PR university.

Me: But, Mum, I told you I don’t want to attend that university anymore!

Mum: No, you haven’t told me that! Ioana, do you realise what you have just said? I can’t believe you’re not going to fight for your dream anymore!

Me: Bleah, my dream…. I didn’t make it to SNSPA this year, I don’t like Alexandra’s university courses and the other PR University is as tough as hell. I won’t be able to pass the exam.

Mum: Yes, you will. You just have to study for that.

Me [really annoyed!]: But, Mum, I studied my butt off for the SNSPA exam, I learnt 3 Philosophy books and still, I didn’t make it. And trust me, I WAS prepared.

Mum: But this time you’re going to have private lessons with professors from Bucharest.

Me [irritated]: Come on, do you really think I will let you spend a fortune on some crappy private lessons? No way!!! I’m not taking the exam again and that’s it!

Mum [sigh]: As you wish… but you will be sorry…

I don’t know how sorry I’ll be, but I know how frustrating it is to be a failure. And I know I said I would take that stupid exam again, but I can’t. I simply can’t. She should know better than anyone that I have never been a fighter; that I have never had ambition nor desired to be the best. When I was sure I was going to make it to that university everything seemed so clear, so into place. I mean, I was sure I would love the university courses, I would be thrilled about going to university; then I would take a master’s degree in PR and start working for a PR company and simply love my job!

No nothing seems bright and pink anymore. I really can’t picture myself as an university graduate. What in the world will I do afterwards? Find a job, find a job, find a job - words that constantly haunt me. What kind of a job? I don’t know if I am able to do something with passion and I can’t do anything with talent - because I don’t have any talent! I don’t want to wake up in the morning and say: “Another day spent in that crappy office, listening to that idiot boss, doing that same shit over and over again.” Uhhh, the future sounds crappy.

On top of this, I miss Cata. I really miss him. We have a very uncertain relationship status at the moment, but I’d love to have him by my side just now. But I really don’t know what I feel for him anymore. I can’t decide about that. I need to see him this holiday, to spend some time with him, to see if he really changed or not. I’m so curious if I’m going to feel good to be by his side or it will be all plain. It’s not that I don’t believe him when he says he loves me. It’s not that… but I really don’t feel his love. He has a very strange way of showing [or should I say, hiding?] it. I really don’t know. But I miss the bastard!

Better be going to bed. I need to change my sleeping hour. 3 in the morning is not a good one. I’m so tired during the day I can’t do a thing. Oh well, just another problem on the list.

Today I’m being selfish. Very selfish. “Today I’m racing only for myself. Today I’ll catch my golden fish again.” Today it’s all about ME.

I ate an orange today. My first orange this autumn. I took it in my hand and just smelled it. It had that so very obvious bitter-sweet smell. I took a knife and cut it: one, two, three, four, five long cuts. Then I gently peeled it… A squirt of juice started to drip from it and I licked it. I did it with passion, with desire… not a single drop of my precious orange was wasted. Finally, there it stood, naked in front of me. But it had just a little more to wait. I gathered all the peels and rubbed my hands with them. I simply love the way my hands smell afterwards. Only then was I ready. I took the orange in my hand, tore a segment, smelled it and bit it. It was a wild, deep bite. Now the peels are spread all over my desk… the smell has invaded my room and the taste still persists in my mouth… it was my first orange this autumn and it was great!

On another, worldlier, topic I had such a nice day today. I went with Jen to Carturesti [lovely, lovely place!!!!] and drank a Sweet Orange tea. We talked about lots of things and not only book related topics as you might think. Some people are just so much fun to hang out with. Things like this always make my day.

Now some recommendations and then I’ll be off to bed. If you haven’t found out by now, BOOKAHOLICS  [www.bookaholics.jubjub.ro]is the perfect place for Romanian book lovers. It has been recently initiated, but we’ve already got a reading circle and a book ring going. So, take a look. The other blog is a personal one and belongs to K_t [www.theattentivedreamer.blogspot.com]. She’s a sensible woman, who talks about books, theatre plays, movies, friends. It’s a very nice well-written blog.

That’s about all. Night!

Ps. It seems that my “link to” button doesn’t work! Damn blog.com!

I’m starting to believe that bitching about your life IS the right way for things to improve. Let me make myself understood.

Today started just like any other Sunday: woke up, fell asleep again, woke up, fell asleep, finally got up. After that I hung around the house doing practically nothing. At about 2 o’clock, Otilia called and said to go and eat with her and her boys. Happy happy joy joy! This meant I didn’t need to buy food and I could spare the money and put it my piggy-bank. I got dressed, took the tube and found the restaurant. I ate a pizza, had a lovely time with them and hurried back home to my Hausaufgabe [my German homework].

I was about to cross the street to reach the tube station, when I man with a map in his hand and a very puzzled face asked me: “Do you speak English?” “Yes, I do.” “Oh, great! Could you please tell me, where the hell I am?” :)) We were on Amzei Street and he wanted to reach the railroad station. He was a 27-28-year-old American visiting Bucharest. He seemed like a nice person and I volunteered to show him the way from Piata Romana to the station. We started talking and talking and talking and before I knew it, I was accompanying him to the station!

It was a lovely weather and we were constantly smiling and talking. He was such a nice company! A smart, cute, funny man, I may say. And we stopped for a tea and talked about, oh, so many things! We then resumed our walk, reached the railroad station, he bought a ticket for Bulgaria and headed back to Piata Romana.

Now here comes the juicy part. I know you’re just dying to hear the whole story, but have a little patience. After we finished with the “oh, what I lovely evening this was! What a character you are! I’m so glad I’ve met you” he said “Can I hug you?” “Why, yes, of course!”. Then he said “Can I kiss you?” “Hmmm… ok.” Yeah, we kissed ;)) In the middle of the street, with people walking by us, with the cars speeding past us… And I really seized the day. I won’t ever see this man again. I haven’t exchanged e-mail addresses or something.

You know, I’ve longed for such a day since immemorial times: to meet a man in the street by coincidence and then hang around with him and never see him ever again. He’s going to be a simple memory, but a precious one. And nothing’s better than such memories. I’ll be 50, married with children, and I’ll think of him and start to laugh and nobody except me will know why. It’s going to be my little secret. So, yeah, I’ve kind of seized the day, haven’t I?