Rainbow child

Currently:

• Feeling: hmmmmmm
• Listening to: The Cranberries
• Thinking about: my life

This breakup makes me feel like my life has reached another turning point. I did some thinking about this and, yes, it's time I moved on. It's going to be different this time, though. I didn't leave Cata for someone better. I don't even like anybody else. I don't even want to like anyone else, not to mention start a new relationship. I haven't been on my own for about 2 years now. I had ended a relationship and I jumped into another. Now I want to have some time for myself.

It's funny that I remembered a thing which happened last week. I was in the tube station, going up the stairs when I saw a man going down. At first, his face seemed so familiar and then it hit me: he was a man I had met at Rosia Montana this year. I was sitting outside the tent reading a book and he was doing the same thing in front of his tent. Then we started talking and we had this great conversation about books and authors. I don't know his name, or how old he is. The only thing I know about him is that he is studying architecture. Unfortunately, we didn't get the chance to talk that much, because he left the next day. And when I saw him on the stairs I was so happy! I wanted to call out his name, but I didn't know it. I wanted to run after him, but there were too many people around me. Since then I desperately want to talk with him again. Don't know where this powerful feeling has emerged. I just hope I'll bump into him again one day. I feel he's a very special person and like I've said, I desperately want to talk with him again... about books and music, about plays and opera concerts, about life in Bucharest, about everything.

Now, after this short digression, I think I'll get back to what's really on my mind at this moment. Mum is a bit concerned about me and the fact that I don't go out as I used to do back home. In Baia Mare I used to go out with my friends every Friday and Saturday night, no exception. Here I don't go out that much. To tell the truth, I don't go out at all. Yes, I go every week at the theatre or at the Opera, but that doesn't qualify as ‘going out'. Mum thinks I'm alone here, that I don't have friends. That's far from the truth. I have people whom I can call friends here. I have people with whom I can go out if I want. But lately I didn't feel like clubbing at all. As regards to my social life, I have to admit: it sucks! I met Alina twice at a cup of hot chocolate, I'm to meet Jen and maybe DeviL and that's about it. No heavy socializing on my behalf. It's just home-university-my aunt-home again. No I'm not complaining, I'm just stating the way things are in my life. I feel like I've lost my special ability of communicating so very easily with people. I find it hard to bond with someone new; at that was never a problem!

But, things are not that bad. Tomorrow Bozy, Rica and Daniel are coming over and we're going to eat chestnuts and drink some wine. I just hope they'll feel ok and will enjoy themselves. And I have to ask them if they want to join me at the Kumm concert this Saturday night. Hopefully, they'll say yes. If not, well, it will be just me. I really want to see that band live on stage and I'm so going to that concert :)

On another topic, I love my life, but I feel I blew it with me not going to study PR. In fact, the more I think about what I really like doing, the more I realise there isn't such thing. Let's take for instance my book addiction: I read every day, I love book, I spend all my money on books, but still, I can't even write a bloody review. I like talking, but I can't make a living out of it, can I? And then there's nothing left. No other hobbies, no other out of the ordinary qualities about myself, no nothing. I'm more than plain and it sucks. What the will I do for a living???

And I really should be studying right now, reading some Economy course, but screw it, it's boring. I should read my other courses and I should start slowly preparing for my exams, but I can't. And time simply flies by. I'm so irresponsible from time to time. Hope I'll get out of this phase before it's too late.

Currently:

• Feeling: BLEAH
• Listening to: Jose Gonzáles - Heartbeats [over and over again]
• Thinking about: the almighty feeling that is love

A heart's journey

Nope, still can't figure it out; love that is. And I still persist in my stupidity. I have refused to change my decision, although I don't know if I really want this. I know he loves me, but again, I have to be sure that I truly love him in order for this relationship to go on.

I've reached the point in my life where I believe I'll never understand the mysterious and various ways my heart beats in. This moment she tells me that the feeling is real and the next moment she is more than sure that he is not the right person for me.

She promised him she would wait for him. She told him that no matter how great a distance, she would still be here when he would get back. She thought a year would simply fly by and he would move here in no time. She now realises she was wrong. A year means 365 days. 365 days in which she will be alone. 365 days in which she will feel the need to hug and kiss him, but she can't. A year in which she will feed only on memories and false hopes and not on his body, his smell, his touch, his look, his smile, his hand in hers. An empty year...

And now she remembered her old self. That sweet, pure feeling of being herself: of acting as childish as she could, of laughing without being able to stop, of holding to a pole in the street and not wanting to let go of it, of saying whatever crossed her mind... yeah, that's the way she once was.

Now she has to dress neatly and has to iron her clothes cause that's the way his clothes look. She has to be serious, to pretend she is preoccupied with things which happen around the world, to feel interested in math and science. She has changed because she thought he would feel embarrassed with her old self and she didn't want to lose him. She has had that mask on for too much. It's time she took it off and tried to be that happy child she once was.

But it's not as easy as it seems. When she was like that she had someone by her side, someone who loved her for what she really was. No she is all alone. No one to stroll through the park with, no one with whom to share a sandwich or a cup of black tea [btw, Cata refused to drink from the same bottle with her if she had touched it with her lips], no one to watch her wash the dishes, no one to laugh when she stuck her fingers into her nostrils and make monster sounds. No one to take her as she is.

She is aware that she is a very difficult person and that she has many, many flaws. All that she wants now is somebody with whom to share all those small things, a man in whose presence she could feel she's her old self again. But she knows that such people are rare... nonetheless, she is decided to wait for that man. He has to e out there, somewhere. And she will wait for him. Her very own soul mate.

Currently:

• Feeling: happy
• Listening to: Barry White - Heavenly that's what you are to me
• Thinking about: today

Today was definitely Freak Day. Saw some weird people-related stuff today. It all started when I had arrived half an hour earlier at the Opera. I wanted to buy tickets for tomorrow's performance: Rigoletto [ I'm going to the Opera!!!! I've waited for this moment for such a long time!] but didn't know that it opens only at 10 o'clock. No problem; took the book from my backpack, sit on the stairs of the building and started reading. Well, shortly after that, a man appeared out of nowhere and started talking to me:

‘I'm X [can't remember the name] and I'm George Enescu's great-grandson. We lookalike, don't we?'

And after this shortly presentation the man started talking on and on and on and on... He was a man in his late-sixties, neatly dressed and smelled of cheap soap. You could see that he had just shaved, from the little red cuts on his cheeks and chin. He told me he had studied at 3 universities and had a very rich family and had had several wives. He studied at 3 different universities and he had seen every performance from the Opera and the Athenaeum in the last 15 year.

The man looked normal, but from the way he was talking you could realise that, well, he's nuts. And he kept blinking rapidly and closing his eyes for 3-4 seconds very often. It was really disturbing. But I kept a smile on my face and simply nodded to all the things he kept talking. I guess he liked that cause he said that if I go on Friday at another performance, he would make sure I won't have to pay. x_X Was that a date? God, I hope not!!! I managed to buy the tickets and then I abruptly departed the half-mad man. Hope I won't bump into him the next time I'm going to the opera.

Then... then I felt awkward. You can't believe how beautiful the beginning of autumn is! Dried leaves everywhere, the sun shining, people coming and going, people having pleasant conversations in cafes, a certain feeling of laziness in the air. I wanted so much to stroll through a park with somebody, anybody. No words, just the rustle of the yellow-red-ish leaves... just the soft breeze singing in my ears... just the autumn calling out my name. Unfortunately no one was available for a violently lazy autumn day. Maybe I'll have more luck the next days.

Getting back to freaks. In the tube, coming home from my evening classes, I managed to find a seat. Happy happy joy joy! Again, I took out my book and started reading... until I felt something on my left should. Slowly I turned and saw that the man next to me had fallen asleep and that his head was resting on my shoulder. My first reaction was to brutally shake his head off my shoulder, but as I was just about to do that, I started giggling. For I don't know what reason, the situation seemed so funny to me! The man woke up muttered some apologies, tried to remain awake but fell into slumber again. This time he managed not to use my as a pillow. But still, as I was looking at the other passengers and I was peeking at him from time to time, I simply couldn't stop giggling!

Now the third and last freaky person. I had just got on the bus when two old men started fighting ON the bus. You could see [and smell] that they had been drinking. They were about 70 years old and looked kind of poor. They cursed each other, they pushed each other... I fearing they will start slapping themselves. Brrr... that was rather disturbing. I mean, they were old people! Old people don't do that! They are nice people who take care of their grandchildren, cook good food and give you money when you visit them. Or, at least, that's the way they should be :)

That's about everything for today... [a sudden feeling of loneliness simply hit me while I was typing these last lines... I'm all alone this weekend, cause Andra went to her grandparents in Vatra Dornei. And I don't have anyone with whom to enjoy a lazy autumn day... *sigh sigh sigh*]

Just one tiny little thing: I've discovered which my favourite flowers are: the sunflower! I think it's the happiest, most beautiful flower!

Currently:

• Feeling: m'kay
• Listing to: Dave Brubeck - Take five
• Thinking about: nothing in particular
• Reading: The remains of the day by Kazuo Ishiguro

I can't believe it's almost a month since I've moved here! And what's more, this city doesn't cease to amaze me day by day. I discover new places, I meet new people, I continuously feel that I'm developing my inner self, that now I'm really defining my personality.

Yesterday my aunt make me take a shortcut to her house. Of course at one point I got lost, but I don't regret I did so, because I had the opportunity to see some very beautiful houses. Bucharest is a mixture of late 19^th century architecture and modern one. You can see quaint old houses and 20-floor high buildings. But I love those dusty, century-old houses and I've promised myself that one day I'll stroll through the city in search for such wonders.

Then I went with Adina and Mihnea in the park. I had a great time! I never thought you could have fun while keeping an eye on a very active kid and while being surrounded by many other active kids. Well, it looks like I was wrong once again. Mihnea played with other kids while me and Adina had a pleasant conversation about whatever crossed our minds. She remembered how my mum looked like when she was pregnant, how I looked when I was little, we talked about dear people who passed away, we talked about our loved us, who, thankfully, still are part of our lives. Yeah, it nice to have someone whom you can share your memories with.

And talking about memories... God, how time flies! I still can't believe it's almost November. Where did October go? Why didn't I feel it? Where's that melancholic autumn mood I used to have each and every year? It seems that since I've moved here, everything is rosy and bright. I even like the work I have to do for school! I'm so busy during the day, but I love it! Oh, but I have to confess that translating something is quite a piece of cake as I thought [nr2]. You constantly have to check the meaning of the words your not sure of in the dictionary, you have to find the right word to equal the original word. The best part is that I'm loving it! And as my flat-mate is studying at the PR&Journalism University, she tells me what she's doing there and to tell the truth, it doesn't like the sound of her courses. Maybe this IS the university which I right for me. I know it's too soon to say this, but I hope time will prove that I'm right.

What more can I say? Everything is in its right place in my life. I'm more than satisfied with what I already have and asking for more would mean to be greedy. Now, please, don't start envying my perfect little life :P

Talked with Green on YM today. I'm still waiting for her to come here and visit. The sooner the better cause I there's a big bear hug waiting for her :) Said I would call Jen and set up a meeting [oh my, how formal it sounds] and I can hardly wait to talk with another book freak. Gave my YM id to DeviL and again, I'm waiting to got to a cup of hot chocolate with him, too. I've met so many great people through this blog and I can only be thankful for this. Yeah, we bloggers rule! :)

As I mentioned one of my favourite words - books - I have to tell you that these last 2 day have been book days. What do I mean is that, thanks to Jen I found out about a bargain book fair and went to take a look. I have already bought 5 books and if I had more money I would have bought many others. A thing like this would have never taken place in Baia Mare. Another thing to be thankful for :) Praise Bookarest :P

Oh, I just remembered. Among so many good things related to Bucharest, I'm sorry to add another on to the list of "things which I hate about Bucharest": the packs of high school kids which take over the tube in their return home odyssey from school. Man, are they nosy! And they act as if they'd own the tube. They don't care that there are lots of people who are tired after a day's work and who can hardly wait to get home and to relax. They keep on babbling and laughing and pushing into you... damn, where's the education should have received from their parents?

Just one more thing and then I'm off reading: I'm not a Coke addict anymore. I started drinking black tea, so my daily caffeine dose is satisfied with only 2-3  cups/day instead of 2L of Coke/day. My mum couldn't be happier about this! She always hated the fact that I drank so much Coke. And another thing: mum still can't believe I don't want to go home until Christmas. But really, I feel so at home here, I'm enjoying every minute of my life here [talking about time flying, right?] and I can't even imagine going back there so soon. Well, if she misses me that much, she can always visit :) Good night people!

Same old "I don't know where to begin" phrase. I'm warning you: this is going to be a very looooong post cause I have so many things to tell you, so many experiences to share with you. But, first and foremost, I want to tell you that I've missed you like hell and I'm aware that I have so much catching-up to do regarding your blogs, your lives, yourselves.

Thursday night, 3 weeks ago. "How do you feel when you know you're leaving Baia Mare for good?" "To tell the truth, mum, I don't feel a thing right now. I've waited for this moment to come for such a long time, I've thought about it so much, that it's not a big deal anymore." And thus, my one-way journey started.

Friday morning, 3 weeks ago. I saw how my apartment looked like. From the first step I took inside, I knew I wouldn't have any problems in calling it "home", in feeling like home here; a new home, a home of my own. We've scrubbed and cleaned a lot, cause the bastard which stayed here last here hadn't ever cleaned the place, but now it looks awesome and I'm so proud of it. I don't have my camera with me, but as soon as I'll have some pictures with it, I'll post them and brag again with my new home J

Saturday early morning, 3 weeks ago. Got up at 4:30 in the morning to go to the railway station to see Cata. I stayed with him till about 10, when he left for the airport. I didn't cry, I didn't feel broken-hearted. I was more than ok about his leave and I forgave him for messing up our plans. Now he's in Italy and he keeps on telling me he's sociable and he talks with everyone there. Good, cause he really needs t improve his social skills. I know I'm very bitchy when it comes to his flaws.

My first days here were great. Nothing important really happened, but I felt like I belong here, in this big city. I got familiarised with the tube, the buses, the shops around my place etc. Then school started. Made new friends from the first day. I like my colleagues from both groups [the English and the German group]. I've met really nice people. The teachers are ok, I have some really interesting courses and not such a busy schedule. I'm thinking of getting a part-time job and Otilia [mum's best friend] is working on this one. If I'm lucky enough, I'll work Sundays and Saturdays in a bookshop. How cool would that be? Incredibly cool. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Otilia will be able to find such a job for me.

It's been 3 weeks since I've been living in my dream city. It's completely different from Baia Mare. Well, it's the way it should be. The strange thing is that I don't feel like an alien here, although my accent betrays me every time I open my mouth to speak. Usually when people hear that I'm from Baia Mare, they go something like this: "From BM? Isn't Bucharest a bit too far away? Why did you come here?" Yes, it is far [665km by train], but it has been my life-long dream to move here one day. So far I haven't witnessed any unpleasant situations, nobody attacked nor robbed me, nobody hit on me out of the blue, and nobody cursed me. I glad I'm the kind of person who doesn't attract attention. But my friends here tell me that I have to give Bucharest some time to unveil its real self to me. Still, I don't think Bucharest is as bad as many of them tell me it is.

Ok, this was just the introduction. Here come the more detailed events from the last 3 weeks.

The Internet thingy. I had access to the Internet from the first week here, but I didn't have a computer. Then, this week my mum bought me a laptop. Happy happy joy joy! The I had Internet access and a laptop, but I didn't have a router, cause we have only an IP. On Tuesday I bought the router; so, let's see: Internet connection, laptop and router. Sounds like I don't need anything else, right? WRONG!!!! We couldn't configure the damn router! Maria talked with one of her friends from Bucharest and Vic came over and tried to help us, but nothing. That bloody thing didn't let itself configured! Then, today, a guy from the firm which provides the Internet came and tried to help us. The Horse [that's his nickname] called one of his friends, The Gypsy to come and help him. Let me tell you something about these 2 guys: they were both half gypsies, huge and fat, they had an incredibly horrible body odor, smoked cigarette after cigarette, talked trash to each other and threw us very languorous looks. It was 4 very long hours with them in the house. When I had lost all hope that that router would ever be configured, EVRIKA, they did it!!! I was incredibly happy and I was actually doing a joy dance around the room. God, the Internet has such a major influence on me! :D

People I've met. Bozy was the first to give me the "welcome to Bucharest" tour. I know him from last.fm and he's an awesome dude! I really like him. He's the kind of guy mothers like: he's cute, mannered and you can trust him and know he'll be there when you need him. Then I met Alina. She's a sweetie! We went for a cup of hot chocolate and we talked and talked and talked. She's so fun to talk to! I really enjoyed our little escapades ;)) Oni was next. She's a friend of My Maria's and the more I get to know her, the more I like her. She's such an open-hearted intelligent girl, that you simply cannot like her. Same things apply to Meropi as well. I'm still waiting to meet Rica, Green [btw, when are you planning on coming here after all?] and Jen.

Things I've done. I went to the theatre 3 times already and I'm planning on going every week from now on. I went out dancing with Oni, Mari [her sister] and Patrik and I spent 3h of the night in the University Passage. The girls had to call it a night at about 1 o'clock and I forced Patrik to go home at about 2:30 in the night. I didn't want to take a taxi to my place [they're bloody expensive!] and I had no other option than to wait till 5 in the morning to take the first tube home. And Patrik didn't want to leave me on my own at the tube station. He made me promise I'd give him a beep on his mobile every half and hour and sent him a message as soon as I got home. But he needed have worried. The guards from the tube station stayed with me and the guy from McDonald's gave me chocolate to eat. I felt so protectedJ) I had my very own bodyguards. He he. I know it's not actually safe to be on your own in the middle of the night in Bucharest, but I don't think something bad is ever going to happen to me. And after this little experience, I'm more than convinced that I'm going to be fine. Ah, what a night that was! J) I always laugh when I remember it. Apart from this I read some books [note to self: don't be such a lazy dudette and start writing about them  

And now come 2 lists: one with things I like over here and one with things that piss me off, and that's about all for the moment.

Things which I love about Bucharest:

• The autumn: it's such a mild autumn here compared with the cold, rainy, long one from BM.
• I can walk down the street and only think about myself. I am somehow invisible. I don't have to greet everyone, I don't have to keep on smiling to people my mum knows, I am myself and that's that. I can really concentrate on my problems, thoughts, feelings.
• I have more time to read. I always have a book with me and I love reading on the tube. I always go to bed at about 3-3:30 in the morning, which means I have about 4h of reading/day and that's awesome, cause in BM my parents would have killed me if I had stayed awake that long.
• I love the feeling of independence this city gives me. I am in control of my live. I decide what/when I eat, go out, read, study. There's no one around to nag me, to boss me around. I cook, I wash my clothes, I clean the apartment. And I've realised that I'm quite good at these things [braaaaaaaging :D]. I never thought I was going to cook, but here I am, buying groceries from the market and turning them into whatever I fancy eating that day
• I can see my nephew Mihnea very often. I usually drop by every second day. He's such a sweet boy! And I get along very well with my aunt [his mother] too. Yeah, I have great relatives here.
• My apartment [no further comments on this topic]

Things which I hate about Bucharest:

• The rush-hours cause I can't reach and take out my book from the backpack to read on the tube
• The stupid car drivers who instead of obeying traffic rules they break them, create traffic jams and the honk like madmen. Geese, bloody stop at the red light!!! Not to mention that it's a real adventure to cross the street. If you're not careful enough, you could end up in hospital. They have no respect for the pedestrians.
• Bloody classes which start at 8 o'clock in the morning. God, am I tired in the morning. I kind of skipped them the last week, but I hope this won't happen every week.
• The way people always rush. Chill, slow down, your lives won't end if you don't catch this tube or if you miss this bus. And the way they always cram through the tube doors. Where's the fire?
• There's no public transport by night and if you don't catch the 23:30 tube, you have to go either by taxi [which costs a fortune!] either wait for the 5:00 o'clock tube. And this sucks big time.

Well, this is about all. Now I'm going to have a pleasant and long conversation with My Maria on YM. And here is a picture of me and Mihnea. My first and only picture from Bucharest. Sorry for the low quality. Anyways, I'M BACK!!!!