Love in itself
Currently:
- Feeling: a bit strangely
- Listening to: Depeche Mode - Rush
- Thinking about: love and other related topics
- Reading: same old
- Numbered days: 48
I had a rather intriguing conversation with Cata. It was, obviously, about us and love and the purpose of life. I know he’s a freak, he’s strange, he has another perspective about life than I do (who doesn’t?), but the things he told me were a bit to far-fetched.
He basically told me that his future relationships would be superficial ones, that he would never feel the same thing for another girl. Yes, I agree with the last part. You simply can’t feel the same way for two persons. There are no two exactly the same feelings. You are not acting the same way with different people. It’s normal and that’s the way things are. But he took this thing even further. I understood that he would never love again, that no other girl would interest him as I did, that he was empty and that’s the way he would remain.
Now, in my opinion, is bullshit. I know he expected a lot from this relationship, I know he loves me deeply, I know I let him down but saying all those things… Each and every one of us have been disappointed at some point in our lives, we have suffered and we have felt approximately the same way, but we also got over that and moved on. He doesn’t even listen to me when I tell him that in the end everything will be ok, that he’ll be happy again, that he shouldn’t say such things cause they are not true. Another thing, which he told me, was that for him it’s important what he wants and if he doesn’t get what he wants, he doesn’t want anything in return. But life is not only about us getting what we want, and he doesn’t seem to realise that. We’re so young, we have our lives ahead of us, it’s insane to say that if he doesn’t have me, he doesn’t want anyone else and that if he, at some point, has another girlfriend he would never really love her. I understand that being happy is a hard thing to achieve, but if you can’t be happy with a person, that doesn’t mean you simply have to give up all hope and refuse to try and be happy with another person.
I know I’m sometimes irritatingly optimistic, but it’s just me. I’ve learnt a lot from my 3-year suffering after Alex Sasa. The first thing I have learnt is that you cannot make a person love you, no matter how much you love him. Secondly, no matter how low you have fallen, you still have the power in you to get up again and start all over again. Thirdly, that there is no such thing as ‘the best’, ‘one of a kind’, ‘him or nothing’ etc. No way! What would happen if we all stopped trying after our first failure? I haven’t suffered out of love for a long time and probably that’s way I can be so optimistic about this subject, but I don’t know… you win and you lose. There isn’t any other way. And when you lose you cry, you curse, you make vain promises not to make the same mistake again, but you get up, move on and eventually fall again and so on and so forth. Always.
