Damn!
Currently:
- Feeling: lame lame lame
- Listening to: Norah Jones - Humble me
- Thinking about: tomorrow
- Reading: The devil wears Prada by Lauren Weisberger
- Numbered days: 65
Today I realised that I’ll never ever truly understand love. It’s too complicated for me. Really! From what I’ve observed things go something like this: at the beginning of a new relationship both people have almost the same feelings one for another. As things evolve, it’s almost impossible for them to have the exact feelings towards one another, so there’s always one who cares more about the other and that makes him/her weaker. And when it’s not you in that position, well, you feel you’re in control. Now this is the point where things get messy. You see all the faults your partner has and you haven’t seen before; you act bossy cause you know you’re in control: ‘Stop doing that! Uh, I hate it when you do that! No, we won’t go there, we’ll go where I want!’ etc. And the poor partner tries to fulfil all you wishes, and whims, not to upset you, to make everything just the way you want. Well, these situations always end up with a break-up.
Truth is that I broke up with Cata and now I’m trying to find the real reasons why I did that. I feel like a bitch. I just can’t believe that I’m doing this again: hurting the one who loves me, just to satisfy my egotism. This is not fair and I know this, but I can’t help it. I keep thinking about Bucharest and all the guys I’m going to meet and there’s this voice inside me that tell me: ‘Well, the years spent at university are the coolest years ever: parties, theatres, new people etc. Why lose all this because of a guy? Cause you know damn well that if you remain with Cata, you won’t be able to enjoy all that.” And the voice is right. I don’t know if I love him anymore, I’m not sure of that. But I do know that I don’t want to be 30 and look behind and regret all the stupid things that I didn’t do, all the parties and trips I missed.
I have waited for so long to move to Bucharest! I have waited for so long to escape this shit hole town. My dreams since high school were only about how much fun I will have in Bucharest. My life was supposed to start in Bucharest. I can’t let my dreams become ashes. I just can’t. I’ll probably be sorry for this rush decision, I’ll probably miss him like hell and cry like mad, but I have to do this. I’m doing this for my own good. God, I hate myself in situations like this one! 
