Rainbow child

Currently:

• Feeling: under the weather (it’s pouring outside!)
• Listening to: Norah Jones - Come away with me
• Thinking about: my leave
• Reading: Light in August by William Faulkner

Tomorrow I’m leaving for Oradea. I’m going to stay there till Thursday and the competition is going to take place Thursday. I’m not scared. I simply don’t want to go. And I didn’t learn much. No, honestly, I didn’t learn. I don’t care anymore about this competition. I know I would never have been 1 or 2 or 3, so why the fuss? I still have to take the university exam so it won’t matter if I am the last one or not. Of course I hope I won’t be the last one… a middle position would suit me fine. Anyways, the truth is I’m not looking forward at all to going. Plus it’s raining like hell here. Bleah. Cata was very sweet yesterday. He kept asking me things about Oradea and then he said: ‘I wonder how things will turn out’. And I was like: ‘Why do you care? I should care, but I don’t give a damn about it’. And then he said: ‘I know you don’t, but believe it or not, I’m interested in everything you do.’ Yeah, that made me realise again and again how much he cares about me.

On another topic, today I have to go and have my picture taken for the class’ photo album. Yeah, I like pics, but I like natural one. I mean, the girls in my class made such a fuss about these pictures. Uh! They went and had their hair arranged and brought I don’t know how many blouses to change and stuff like that. I mean, COME ON, I don’t want to look at those pictures in 30 years time and see a face that doesn’t tell me anything: ‘Oh, look grandchildren, this was my classmate. She was only 19 when her picture was taken, but she looks like a 25-year old woman. Strange, during the 2 years time period she was my classmate, I don’t remember seeing her looking like this.’

And that’s not all. The photographer wants to take as many artistic pictures of you as he can. That means you have to stay the way he puts you. UUUHHHHH NOOOOO!!! Not me, dude! I hate those pictures: ‘Look at the camera. Your head a little more to the right. No, not that much. Yes, not it’s perfect. Smile!’ And I’ve heard they want to take 50-60 pictures/person. /:) WTF is that??? Let’s say 20. 20 are fine with me. But 60?!!! We’re not models, you know! I just need a damn pictures that represents me so that, when my colleagues open their albums will see ME and not a person they don’t remember being like that.

Grrr, too many conventions and rules and things that you have to follow. Only now do I understand why Nietzsche was that revolted. Yeah, we have to be ourselves not what others want us to be. And the hell with all those conventions! I love myself the way I am and I’m not going to change, not even for how long you need to take a picture.