School and him
Oh well, school’s about to start. This holiday was awesome! I got to spend a lot of time with him… well, not as much as I would have liked, but enough to help me get through the night 
And I learnt for my exams. At least at History and Philosophy.
And I learnt for my exams. At least at History and Philosophy.Ok, I’m like nuts about my History exam and I have no idea why! I mean, I have 5 exams and I learn and learn only at History. I haven’t even started to learn at Romanian and I have tones of things to learn!!! Grrr… time isn’t really on my side. But I have this feeling that everything’s gonna be ok. Like I don’t have to worry about a thing… I don’t want to be that sure about going to university. I mean, the university exam is pretty hard and I really, really have to study for that, but…. (there’s always a ‘but’), I’m not worried at all. I wish I were. I think I will probably worry a lot before the exams… Now this is strange… I wanna go to university (it’s my dream since I can remember to move to Bucharest – and I can do that if I go to university), but I kind of take everything for granted… I really have to study harder!!! I MUST!
I wanna talk about him. I want everyone to know how special and great he is. I don’t even deserve him. But I’m grateful for him. I want him to think he has the most wonderful girlfriend in the world, I want him to feel so very special and loved. We didn’t go to the same New Year’s Party and, although I was a bit tipsy, I wrote something on my mobile phone about him and only today I’ve remembered about it: ‘Oh well, we’re all ready in the new year. I’m not thrilled. I wish I was with him, but apparently it’s not possible. I care so much about him. I like him very much cause he’s like a child: sweet and innocent. I don’t think I deserve him. He really is too good for me. I don’t know why, but when I’m around him I want to tell him I love him. I mean, I don’t know if I really love him, but I know it’s something more than ‘I like you’. It’s something more special, something that cannot be expressed into words. It’s more profound that I’ve thought… yeah, it’s more than words can say…’
As we’re still at the ‘love chapter’ of this post, I feel the need to write another message, this time one that I’ve sent. It dates back to 05.07.2005 and I sent it to Maria. Here it goes: ‘My Maria, my heart hurts. Something crushed deep down inside me. I can’t take it anymore! I wish I haven’t been in love before, I wish I haven’t loved before. The first love is the most beautiful one, the purest and the one which you never forget. It’s that first love which can become the eternal love. That’s the kind of love I wish for! A first and eternal love! Now is the time such a thing would be possible, but because I’ve loved before I cannot hope for that. I feel just like a kid, who has so many wonders to discover, who still knows how it feels to blush, who is naive, who still believes in dreams. I wish I could feel that first love… I feel so empty without the most wonderful feeling life could have given me. But I won’t go searching for the first love. I’ll let it find me. And when it will find me, I’ll never let it go! Never! I want to feel that first love!!!!!!’
I’m not sure if this is the first love I’ve wished for, but if it’s not, then it surely feels like it! I like you so much, dude!!! I… I think I love you.
Posted by in 22:58:20
Aww, I”m so glad you”re experiencing all those wonderful feelings. And that you like/love him…how about you "loke" him…hahah…maybe I just made up a new word…haha. Anyways, good luck with your exams; I”m sure you”ll do great. You deserve the great guy & you deserve to ace those exams!
Holly, that was so sweet! :)) ”Loke”!!! I”ll remeber that word and try to use it. It’’s sounds sooo sweet!
Try to be like this for the rest of your life, be in love like this is the most precious thing in the world, much more than to be loved. Yu don”t have to move a finger to be loved, but to really love someone, well, this needs strenght, courage, passion, dedication. You have all these qualities inside you, so keep loving this lucky guy!!
i think it is better if you can write more.