Rainbow child

I just don't get it. Books are supposed to be fun, to show you a world of fantasy, a different world from the one we live in. Books, in my opinion, SHOULD always have happy endings. Yeah, I really think they definitely should have happy endings.

Why? Cause I'm sick and tired of the indifference that's around us, of the stupidity of most people, of hypocrisy, of hate, of lies, of everything that stains human conscience and soul.

And guess what? Books don't always have happy ending. Not even children's books. In 'Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince', Dumbledor is killed by Snape. As if the Sirius's death in the previous book was not enough. I simply can't understand why Dumbledor had to die. It's not fair! He was great in everything he did. He was good, smart, and the best wizard ever.

Why must there be death in children's books? Why do we have to face the feeling of emptiness and sorrow in such book, in any book?!

No, this just isn't right. We should hide from reality into books. But if they are as cruel as reality, what do we gain by reading them? Maybe you won't understand me... my hope regarding this life is that life, as books, is one with a happy ending; that dreams and wishes DO come true and that you survive in this world due to them.

Yes, in this material world there are also love, happiness and dreams. We just have to realise this. Maybe one day I'll write a book about them, and it's definitely going to be a book with a happy ending!

I never thought I'll ever say such a thing, but here I am, in the last year of high school, actually enjoying going to school.

Of course, there's an explanation to this madness. Last year I moved to another high school and since then, my opinion about school totally changed. This new school suits me perfectly! I don't have any maths classes, physics, computers or chemistry classes. I just do what I like: literature, English, history, philosophy and others.

It's so important to choose what school's best for you. After 6 years of going to that horrible school, I realised that it's not what I wanted and I've made the best decision yet: I moved!

Now it's a pleasure to go to school. I like my teachers even when they give us loads of homework and they are not so narrow-minded as my ex-ones.

School rules! :P

Lady Rosenred

‘There’s a fairy in my head and I call her Lady Rosenred

Why she came there I don’t know, no I don’t know...’

Lake of tears

‘Come on, don’t look behind! Grab my hand and hold on tight! It’s going to be a rough flight!’

The fairy grabbed me by the hand and before I could say anything we were flying among oak trees, above bushes, avoiding creepers and almost touching the branches that were leaning in the sweet autumn wind.

‘Am I dreaming? I don’t think so. Everything seems so real! I can see the fairy pretty clear now. She’s dressed in a white gown and her hair is fair. But i’m wearing the same white gown! This means i’m a fairy too?’ I had no time to think about all those questions because the fairy that was guiding me started to fly faster and faster and I had to be very careful so as not to hurt myself as we were flying deeper and deeper into the heart of the forest.

‘It won’t be long until we arrive’, she told me as she turned and smiled to me. I could see her face. It was the most beautiful face I had ever seen! It was the face of a young girl, of a young fairy girl. I was sure I was on good hands. I started to feel anxious.

            ‘Where is she taking me and why? Are there any other fairies or is she the only one?’ It was strange that I wasn’t at all afraid. It was as if I knew that I was going to be fine and that she was not going to hurt me. As we were still flying I looked around me and I realised I wasn’t in what we’d call a normal forest. The trees were taller than any others I had ever seen and they many creepers were embracing them. Yes... the creepers didn’t hurt them! It looked as if the creepers were trying to protect the trees. I realised it was autumn, when I saw leaves dancing in the wind. It was a rather hot breeze but with a scent of autumn in it. We went through a wall of bushes and we arrived...

‘So what do you say? Do you like your new home?’ she asked me with her beautiful smile on her face.

I was so amazed that I couldn’t speak. ‘This is going to be my home?’ I thought. ‘How can you not like heaven?’ for a moment I thought I was in heaven. Everything was so perfect! The small waterfalls, the leaf carpet, the wind that was embracing us, the small fairy houses. The other fairies that were flying around us and were smiling very friendly, everything! Finally, I was able to talk:

‘Am I a fairy, too? Am I one of yours?’

She just giggled. ‘What do you think?’ she asked me. ‘Do you think you are one of us?’ she said.

‘I don’t know. I’m dressed like you, I can fly just like you do, and you told me that this was going to be my home from now on. I think I am’, I replied.

‘You are whatever you want to be. It all depends on you.’

Then she took me by the hand, again, and began to show me the place. The other fairies kept smiling. They didn’t tell me a word. We flew above the small colored houses, above the diamond like waterfalls, above the tall trees. We were flying to the three moons. I was amazed!  It was so beautiful! It was time to go back down.

She then took me to a place where many fairies were playing with all kinds of animals: there were some fairies who were playing hide and seek with a bear, others were helping a squirrel to gather nuts for the winter, and other were riding on dragon fairies. It was as if a dream had come true!

‘What did I do to deserve all this?’ I asked my guiding fairy.

‘You believed in your dreams and you let you imagination run wild!’ she answered.

It couldn’t be only my imagination, could it? The fairy world wasn’t real... it was all an illusion! I needed something real, not fiction! I felt disappointed and I wanted to wake up from my dream, if all was nothing but a mere dream. I shouldn’t have had those thoughts! In a second the fairy world started to disappear! Fairies started to fly away as fast as they could, and I noticed that they were crying; the animals were running away, too.  I must have had a desperate look because my guiding fairy told me before she flew away with the other fairies, that she forgave me.

I started to run along with the animals, but soon I remained behind. I didn’t stop running, but I didn’t watch behind me at the world I had just destroyed. I was too afraid of what I could see and I didn’t want to believe that I was capable of such a thing.

I knew it wouldn’t be long until I did not have the power to run any more, so I threw myself on the ground and waited for my punishment...

The alarm clock went on. So it was only a dream, after all? There really wasn’t a fairy, and no three moons? I looked disappointed at the clock. ‘Tomorrow night I’ll meet my fairy again, but this time I’ll know how to make it all become real!’

‘Say will you dream with me tonight under moonlit skies...’ 

Hear me... all that I want is to know that to hear me and that you understand me. I’ve always wanted you to understand me. You are the only person whom I could have told everything. You are the only person who doesn’t understand me at all.

I’m not crazy. Or maybe I am. I feel the need to talk to you, to tell you everything and in the same time not to tell you anything. I feel strange... I have the impression that time is not my ally, but my enemy, that my life passes me by and I can’t do anything to stop that. There are so many years in which I could have been happy; stupid but happy.  There’s so much time spent only on memories... and I can’t realise if I’m sorry or not that I didn’t live for the present.

I've loved you since I realised that nothing more could be between us. I've started to hate myself since I realised that I won’t be able to forget you. Even in 5-6 years time I’ll still be feeling the butterflies in my stomach when I’ll see you. It’s just so sad that a person could mean everything to you and you are nothing to him. I still want to make love with the moon, I still believe in dreams. I’m big enough not to do that, but still... I can’t look  into your eyes cause I see only  ignorance and it makes me cry. I’d love to spend my time talking to you... I have so many things to tell you! But you don’t understand me! Especially YOU don’t understand me...

What is you purpose in this life? I know I haven’t found mine. I’m waiting for it to find me... but this time, which simply flies away, is slowly killing me. Anyway, I feel empty on the inside. I feel that I have nothing to live for. I sometimes look at one of you pictures and talk to it as if you could hear me through it. Stupid me! Have you ever had the feeling that you’ll never be entirely happy? That no matter how many things you’ll have, you’ll still want more? That no matter how great your lover will be it won’t be good enough for you? I go to sleep and wake up every morning with this feeling. And I’d want you to understand me!

Do you remember when we talked an entire night on the phone? I told you then not to fall in love with me cause I don’t deserve your love. And you listened to me. Now is your turn to give me the same advice, but you don’t do that. Every time I think I got over you, even a word from you is enough to make me in love with you again. How long is this going to happen??? Everything that begins must end someday. Is it the same with love? I know I’ll never send this e-mail to you, but it makes me feel better. But I can’t figure out why I can’t forget you. I meet boys who were more beautiful than you are, who really loved me, who were nicer than you are, and still I couldn’t forget you. And you’ll never understand me. I sometimes picture you and me sitting in your room. I’m opening my soul to you, you’re smoking and listening to me and you REALLY understand me!

I don’t know what it is that I really want; I never knew and I never will.  It’s enough to sense you perfume to lose my head over you. No, I don’t pity myself. I simply hate myself... I hate myself because I’m still a child, because I still believe in dreams, because I let time fly by without even trying to stop it, because I don’t know how to live my life, because I didn’t know how to make you happy, because I still love you... and you’ll never understand me...

The leaves are trembling and the wind is blowing. I stand alone in the lonely forest and try to count the stars: one, two, three... but how can you count infinity?! A wolf if howling at the full moon and instantly I feel chills up and down my spine. But as I contemplate the moon, I start to feel stronger.

The tall trees look spooky in the pale moonlight and I feel that eyes are watching me from a tree. The wind is blowing again, but this time I'm not afraid of it: I let it embrace me. Colours, sounds... there's just so much beauty around me, but I'm aware of it only now...

I know that this a special night... this is the night when I feel that this autumn will last forever. And as my feet sink in the dry and rusty leaves, I realise that I have the autumn in me... I'm a forever autumn...

Hello dear guys, I'm back! My journey to Turkey has been the most beautiful yet!!! If you want to have the holiday of your life, go there, and you won't regret it! Trust me! Turkish people are extraordinary. I can't describe how great,hospitable, nice and funny they are! For them and for the services provided by the hotel I stayed in, I certanly go there next year too! I can't say I'm glad I'm back home. I really miss Turkey. And this is going to be a very difficult school year so I'd rather be on a sunny beach in Turkey right now! :) oh, well, we never do only the things we like, do we?

I don't know what I should write case there's nothing important going on around here. :D I just wanted to let you know I'm back.

Take care!